Absolution Read online

  “My father didn’t do anything like that!”

  “Oh yeah?” he snapped, eyes flashing. “Ask him.”

  “What about the rest of the six weeks? What’s your excuse for those?”

  “Your father,” he said slowly, “pulled some strings with his buddies in the US, and had me reassigned overseas. With no warning. The only reason he brought me back was because of—”

  “Me. I don’t believe this,” she whispered. “I can’t.”

  “It’s true. I swear. I’ll make it up to you, but I never cheated on you.” He ran a hand over his head and then gestured at her. “Why would I? Look at you.”

  She gritted her teeth. “I don’t really know what to say here. To any of this.”

  “Say nothing, then.” He sat beside her, playing with her hair. His touch sent shivers down her spine. He seemed to notice, for he tugged a little harder. “You know the truth now. That’s all that matters.”

  “Do I?” She scowled at him, leaning her cheek on her raised knees. “I’m not sure.”

  “You do. You know it, too. Why would I cheat on you? Did I give you any signs I wasn’t completely happy with you?”

  She scowled deeper, but grudgingly shook her head.

  “I love you. You know it.”

  “I don’t know who I’m more pissed at. You, her, or my father,” she growled. “But it changes nothing.”

  “Yes, it does. It changes everything.” He picked her up, plopped her on his lap, and crushed her lips beneath his. She put up a token resistance, but really, who did she think she was kidding? Certainly not him. His tongue plunged into her mouth, and she clung to his shirt, tugging him closer.

  He tore his lips from hers, nibbling at the base of her throat, and she groaned at the sensations assaulting her. Fire, ice, and desire all warred within her, and her legs itched to wrap around his waist.

  He licked the skin above the neckline of her T-shirt and nudged the top down with his chin, so he could caress the swell of her breast. His chin brushed against her erect nipple, and she arched her back, panting for more.

  “Please, Joseph,” she begged. She writhed, needing to feel him all over her, to have his skin on hers, his flesh on her flesh.

  “What do you want, Eva? Do you want me to stop?” He lifted his head from her breasts and met her stare.

  She inhaled at what she saw there, so pure and open in his eyes. He loves me. She knew it to be true, just as she knew she loved him still.

  “I will, but you’d better tell me now. If I wait another second, I’m not sure I’ll be able to.”

  She nodded and rose to kiss him. He pulled away, sitting on his haunches, and released her hands.

  “Maybe this is a bad idea. You’re drunk. And I’m on duty.”

  She lurched up after him, grabbing his hair to pull his face back to hers. “I am not drunk. I’m horny, and I need you. Now.”

  She crushed her lips to his and slipped her tongue inside his mouth. With a groan, she arched against him and ran her fingers over his shoulders, down to the small of his back to jerk his shirt up. He rocked back on his heels, so she could yank the garment over his head. Seconds later, he’d relieved her of her blouse and tossed it to the side. She skimmed her fingers over his taut torso, enjoying the feel of his crisp hair on her fingertips. She circled his nipple with her nail, and he moaned, flipping her onto her back.

  This time, though, he nestled in between her legs and rolled his hips until she forgot to breathe. With a smooth motion, he reached under her, unclasped her bra, and threw it over with her other clothes.

  “Jesus Christ, I’ve missed you so.” he muttered before cupping her breasts and burying his face in her bosom. He nipped the side of her left globe and then took her nipple in his mouth.

  She cried out and squirmed, desire overcoming her. Her body demanded more. Grabbing his ass, she pressed against him and tugged at his jeans. “Off.”

  He lifted his head from her breast and grinned. “Okay.” Joseph hopped off the bed and unbuttoned his pants. “But yours have to go, too.”

  He peeled his jeans off inch by inch, revealing the glorious body she’d missed more than she wanted to admit. When he dropped them, kicking them to the side, only his black boxers remained between her and her ultimate goal.

  Her mouth watered. Eva bucked up, stripping off her pants as quickly as she could manage. Bunched fabric snagged her ankle, stopping her progress, and she struggled to free herself. “Shit.”

  “Hmm. Looks like you need some help.”

  She bit her lip, nodding. Anything to get naked faster and him inside her. Leaning down, he released her leg only to nibble the sensitive spot behind her ankle while running his fingers behind her knee. She quivered, placing her hands under his arms to yank him up her body. Tearing at his boxers’ waistband, she dug her nails into his lower back. God, she wanted him to kiss her while thrusting into her in one swift movement, but he avoided her clasping hands, instead licking her inner thigh—oh so close to where she longed for him to be. She whimpered, jerking his hair as she shifted toward his mouth.

  He removed her panties and raised her hips. His hot breath fanned her swollen flesh, and she whimpered, grasping his shoulders. His gaze met hers in triumph before he flicked his tongue over her. She cried out, striving to move closer to him. He held her still with a firm grip and caressed her with his tongue. Her senses heightened, and her entire body tensed with need, demanding satisfaction. When at last he plunged a finger inside her, a cry tore from the back of her throat, sounding distant to her hazy mind. Pleasure tore through her body, all the tension inside her releasing, leaving her legs shaking and her arms weak. How in the hell had she survived without this—without him? Could she go back to surviving it?

  He flipped her onto her knees. As he opened the condom, the crackle of the wrapper met her ears, and she wiggle impatiently for him to take her. Kissing the nape of her neck, he rose over her and plunged inside.

  “Oh, Joseph!”

  With each stroke, he increased their rhythm. His hips jerked to the left, telling her he would come quickly, so she reached between her legs to stroke his balls.

  “Eva,” he yelled, thrusting once, twice, his body tensing against hers, his fingers tightening on her hips as they climaxed together. A moment later, he withdrew and collapsed beside her, pulling her down with him, so she rested in his embrace.

  They stayed twined in each other’s arms until their breathing calmed. He brushed her hair away from her face to kiss her temple. Nothing could have broken her from her pleasure-filled daze more so than that. She raised herself to an elbow, staring down into his eyes. They glowed with happiness.

  Shit.

  How had she let this happen? Nothing had changed between them. He’d still broken her heart. Couldn’t be trusted. Yet, he looked at her…as if they were a couple again. Why did he have to look so damn satisfied?

  And where did he get off assuming she would be happy about this, too? She’d been in his company for mere hours, and already she’d jumped back in bed with him.

  Disgust rolled through her veins. How had she let this happen? How could she let him back in, after all he’d put her through? He came into her life, spouted a handful of excuses about what had happened—lies, more than likely—and she’d smiled and stripped naked without so much as a hesitant twitch. She had no pride. No dignity. And, no self-control.

  “I’m so glad we get a second chance at this,” he murmured into her ear, squeezing her tight.

  “A second chance,” she echoed. She trembled from the force of emotions fighting inside her—disbelief, pleasure, shock, panic. All of them fought over her, trying to get the upper hand. Why did it seem to hurt more now, hearing he might be innocent, than when she thought he’d betrayed her? She felt…guilty. As if she’d wronged him. She preferred being the one hurt, it seemed. Guilt didn’t suit her any more than yellow. Both washed her out. Rolling into a sitting position, she rested her forehead on her knees, trying t
o hide her expression from him. He always could tell how she felt by looking at her eyes. Damn inconvenient at times like this.

  “You have to believe me now. I never did anything to hurt you. You should have let me explain earlier. All this lost time….” He sat up, stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. God, it feels good to say that again.”

  Her hands shook. She clutched her legs harder to hide the telltale sign of her panic.

  “Come here. Let me show you just how much I adore you.” He massaged her neck.

  She peered at him over her shoulder, but averted her gaze before he saw too much. “Um, yeah. I mean, I have to—”

  She gave up trying to make a coherent sentence, dropping her head back to her upraised knees. All the words she could say to end that sentence ran through her head. Get out. Leave. Stay.

  Too much. Too fast.

  Would her dad really have kept them apart? Could he have gone so far as to threaten Joseph’s job? Maybe even…his life? No way. She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t trust Joseph.

  “What’s wrong?” He stopped massaging and tightened his grip on her shoulders. “Why won’t you look at me?”

  She straightened, took a deep breath, and faced him, purposely making eye contact. “This was great. Really. A great way to end everything. You know? Now we can look back fondly, instead of with pain.”

  “Look back? End things?” He stared, not moving. If not for the grinding of his teeth, she’d have thought he turned into a statue. His face turned red, and she cringed. “That’s all this is to you? A goodbye fuck? I tell you I love you, and you send me on my way?”

  Her eyes filled with tears. She hugged her chest, feeling exposed and inappropriately naked. “Yes, of course. We were both horny. We used each other to fix it. What else would it have been?”

  She ignored the tugging of her heart. Ignored its screams about what an idiot she was. She’d listened before. What had it gotten her? Nowhere good.

  “Oh, yeah. Of course. How foolish of me to have thought you might feel something else.” He shoved off the bed, stomped to the trashcan, chucked the condom in it, and tugged on his jeans before storming into the bathroom. When he came out a minute later, he looked even angrier than before. “You’re worse than I’ll ever be. You thought I hurt you, but at least I didn’t seek to rip you apart. You refuse to listen to reason, won’t acknowledge the truth, and do it all without the tiniest bit of remorse. Do you even have a heart inside that cold chest of yours?”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat. He didn’t get it. Didn’t understand she couldn’t risk loving him again—couldn’t allow him in her life, only to break her heart once more. “I didn’t—”

  “I never should have taken this assignment. Never should have allowed your dad to talk me into it. Now, I’m stuck in this room with you, and I can’t do anything about it.” The last word ended on a shout.

  When he threw the bin containing his belongings across the room, she flinched. He glared at all the clothes he’d spilled out on the floor. She followed his gaze, gulping in a deep breath as she laid eyes on all of the things she’d deemed worthy enough to save. Scattered memories on the floor—taunting her feelings without remorse.

  “Joseph, I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry if you’re—”

  “Oh, stop it. You got what you wanted,” he sneered. He crammed his shoes on and yanked his shirt over his head. “You stay here. I’m going to get a phone. Quite frankly, I don’t want to be near you right now.”

  She shot to her feet. “I thought I needed to stay with you.”

  He checked his weapon, pivoting to her. His gaze traveled down every inch of her naked body. He paled and swung away from her, his shoulders hunched. “Not right now. You’re in more danger from me than any damn Cartel.” He opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. Without facing her, he turned his head to snarl, “And put your damn clothes on.”

  The door banged closed behind him, and Eva collapsed to the bed. Oh God, what had she done? She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. She didn’t want to love him, either.

  The idea of opening her heart to him, after she’d discovered just how horrible it could feel when he broke it, seemed too much for her. What if she allowed herself to care and he decided she was more trouble than she was worth, or grew sick of her temper and stubbornness? What if he left her for good after he realized she didn’t deserve him?

  No. She couldn’t do it. She was right to push him away. To end things and save herself from more pain.

  Why, then, did it hurt so much?

  Chapter Five

  Joseph leaned against the door, drawing in a shaky breath. He couldn’t believe after he’d made her listen to the truth, after he’d told her he loved her, that she’d told him she’d had fun and said goodbye.

  What the fuck did she mean, anyway?

  One didn’t pour their heart into another’s hands only to turn to say, “Well, I had fun, but I never really want to be with you again.” Did they? He damn well didn’t. He’d given himself to her in every way possible, and she’d rejected it all. She should have just shot him in the heart—it would have hurt a heck of a lot less.

  He sighed, rubbing his neck. No, really, the whole thing reeked of unfairness. His treatment of her. Her blasé reaction to his confession. It all…well, it sucked. Yet, he would have sworn he’d seen something in her eyes while he’d made love to her, leading him to believe she’d felt more than base lust. Apparently, it had been put there by his own desire to have her love him, his own need to hold her until they turned old and gray.

  Pain squeezed his heart, demanding he lash out at something. Anything. He needed to blow off some damn steam, or he would combust. She’d had an itch. He’d scratched it. Now, she wanted to move on. He damn well didn’t, but he couldn’t force her to have feelings for him. Couldn’t make her trust him or even want to trust him.

  He’d been trying his damn best to get her to listen to him, and now that she had, it hadn’t changed a thing. He couldn’t blame her father this time, either. The anger lay solely at her feet. He didn’t like it one little fucking bit.

  Helplessness didn’t sit well inside him. He never liked being out of control of his life, hated allowing someone the power to hurt him. He’d given too much to her, not to mention too much of himself. Time for that to change. Time to revert to his old way of life before Eva—not allowing anyone inside his brain. Or his heart.

  Grunting, he stomped down the hallway and out of the hotel. He needed to hurry. Angry at her or not, he would still keep her safe from anything or anyone threatening her.

  ***

  Eva stood under the water, allowing the shower to wash away the evidence of her lapse in judgment. She didn’t know what felt worse. The fact he’d never cheated on her and she’d refused him the chance to explain his side of the story to her, or maybe that she still didn’t trust him. For over a month, she’d thought him a lying, two-faced scumbag. How could she flip a switch in her mind, believing he spoke the truth? What man wouldn’t lie when asked if he’d cheated?

  But he hadn’t defended himself. Now, all this time had been lost between them, and he expected her to pick back up where they’d left off. As if nothing had happened. Had her father really done all the things Joseph accused him of? It wouldn’t be too difficult to imagine him doing it. But even knowing of Joseph’s supposed innocence, she couldn’t commit to him. Could she?

  Without warning, the shower curtain was yanked back. Eva screamed and spun to face her intruder, soapy arm held out at chest level—what would she kill the man with, bubbles?—only to find Joseph staring at her with hooded eyes. He stepped into the shower, clothes and all, pressing her into the corner until he stood so close their noses touched.

  “You say you don’t love me. You lie,” he accused, his voice raw.

  She shook her head, swallowing hard. “No, I never said I didn’t love you.” Water dripped into her eyes, but she did
not look away from his face. She couldn’t lie. Not to him. “I only said I didn’t know what to do.”

  His brow furrowed. “Why not? I told you I’d never been unfaithful. I told you I loved you. What the hell do you want from me?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. She trembled in his arms, clinging to him while trying not to get lost in his hypnotic eyes. But she failed. Boy, did she fail. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  “I damn well know what you want. I’m right here. You want sex without attachment? Fine. Don’t come crying to me when you realize you lost the man you loved—again.” He peeled off his wet shirt, tossing it out of the shower. His pants followed, and she noticed he’d set his gun on the counter beside the sink—within easy reach—before climbing inside the shower with her. Did he ever lose his cool, not plan ahead for unforeseen circumstances? “I’ll be your toy to use as you please, but once this is over…so are we.”

  “Joseph, I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Too late.” He fondled her breasts and nibbled on her earlobe. “But it won’t stop me from fucking you until I leave.”

  “Don’t be so vulgar.”

  He bit her neck, and she moaned. Lifting her, he caressed her knee while he wrapped her legs around his hips. He entered her in one smooth thrust, and she threw her head back. The cold tile pressed against her skin while the hot water washed over her and Joseph.

  He panted, plunging inside her again. “It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? We won’t make love, we’ll just have fun.” He withdrew again before driving back in. “Just like you thought we were before.”

  He reached down, caressing her above where their bodies joined, while continuing to tantalize her with his motions. She dug her nails into his back, moved to kiss him, but he avoided her lips, instead burying his nose in her wet hair.